Are YOU a Rock? If so, For Who?

A rock may have varying definitions to different people. For this post, let's stick to two definitions.

A person is a rock if they are focused on objectives in their lives. Not someone who is necessarily there yet, but one who is able to put themselves in that direction and keep to it. There will always be steps backwards due to complications, but
as long as they keep going, that is what matters. These are objectives that are present in your heart and not artificial. Of course, each person's goal is different. It could be money, life, career, etc. The point is, a person is a rock if they can keep going whilst retaining their values along the way. A rock is also willing and accepting to learn, but able to filter out the bad things in their lives. Note that a rock for yourself isn't going to be someone that has fulfilled their objectives. It is someone that has set their objectives strongly and have built up momentum so that they place themselves in a position to reach it in the future.

Now how about being a rock for another person? You have to be someone that will be there for that person. Someone who will be put on their emergency contact list. Someone who will be there for the good times and bad times. Most importantly of all is someone who can steer you in the right directions to achieve your own goals and objectives in life. They will need to give you compliments and criticisms when the time is right. The ultimate rock is someone that can provide security for that person. This type of security differs for each person, so you can't simply be a rock for everyone.

The point of this post is this: Being a rock for yourself or someone else is not that simple. Firstly, you CAN'T  be a rock for someone else if you're not your own rock. Why? Think about it this way. You are friends with someone in your class and you have a test tomorrow. He/she knows the topic well and is in a position to help other people. In other words, be a rock for other people. He/she can be a rock for you. However, you have not revised at all. Therefore you are in no position to support anyone else.

Let's say if you tried to help this friend of yours. They are more experienced and familiar with the topic. You only appear experienced and familiar with the topic as opposed to being able to do it. If your friend were to accept your help, it could only mean disaster. Your friend would listen to your advice, but it would differ from what your friend has learnt. As a result, your friend could refuse any further assistance and not seek your help again for the longest time. Even worse, they could still accept your help, get more confused and thus take two steps back in revising for that test. In short, when things get complicated for no reason, things go wrong. Adding yourself unnecessarily into someone else's world may be just an additional pain for them. The last thing you want to be to those you care about is a liability.

So when you decide to commit into a relationship or a really committed friendship, instead of thinking what can this person do for me, think about what you can do for them. Of course it is important that they can do something for them so you can be each other's rocks. It is unfair if someone is simply freeloading off another (I'll talk about this in my next post). The truth is that most people tend to have one or the other, even those that are married. Some aren't a rock for themselves, but jump the gun; or they are a rock for themselves, but place themselves so far forward that they are in no position to help others.

In short, you have to change your own world first, then only can you place yourself in a position to change other people's world. This takes personal development first and may even require finding yourself and what you want in life. This will take time, but if you can do this first it will pay off, trust me.

JD