"I want a guy that has a six pack, is fully loaded and has a big house. He needs to be taller than me and to also be a Caucasian."
"I want a girl that has DD sized breasts, blonde and must know how to cook. She needs to be shorter than me and to also not be overweight."
It is likely that you've heard statements like these before. This is what I like to call: The Standards Game.
Let's face it. Everyone judges everyone. There is not a single person on the planet that is not judgmental. It makes sense that when we first meet someone, we judge them on what that person is like. After seeing that person a few more times, we would judge that person on what they would do to you in particular situations. We play the standards game with everyone, but I'm going to focus my attention on love.
These standards come from social norms; much of it is seen in the media. This includes movies, TV shows, fashion, etc. There is not one particular standard as well that exists. What may be bad in one area may be good in another and vice versa. Some standards may priories money over physical appearance, and vice versa. These standards also extend not only to what a person is, but how they are meant to treat you.
Some people have many standards and some people have little to no standards. I'll talk firstly about why a balance is critical between having standards, but not little or too many.
Problems with having too many standards
Having standards is a good thing in love. It prevents you from wasting your time with people who you know are simply not going to work out. There is a reason you don't see people earning six-figures married to someone on the dough. It happens, but once in a blue moon. However, too many standards can backfire. Fan Bing Bing stated that one discontinued a relationship with a guy because they were looking for someone better. Many years down the track, that person was still single whereas the guy was happily married. The girl had realised that he was the best out of her exes, but threw away everything. She tried to get back together, but that wasn't going to happen. Too much had already changed around her and see could not go back.
Sometimes the answers are right in front of you.
Another problem with having too many standards is simple: Someone will always be better. How many people will you be willing to throw away to find that purple dragon?
You put your head so high into the clouds that you forget about what is important. You may like the idea with being with someone that satisfies all your qualities, but do you love the person that possesses them?
Problems with having too little standards
As previously stated, standards are good to prevent wasting time with people where it just won't work out. Having too little standards means you aim for mediocre. Strangely enough, so many people do this! Sure you may keep your options open, but instead you'll end up going for the easiest option. As we all know, good things come with hard work. Something that comes easy in a relationship may not be all that good. Just because you'd like to settle down with someone in the future does not mean that you have to go with anyone. Put this into perspective: You are going to choose one person to live with for the rest of your life. It better be a darn valuable person to you. Bigamy and polynomy isn't illegal in most civilized countries.
You may like the idea of being with someone and having company, but do you love that person?
How many standards should you have?
If you are going to live with a person for the rest of your life, it has to be someone really special. Thus you ought to have standards. This means that at some point in a relationship you ought to play the standards game. But is this really what love is? Is love just merely a game to find the best possible person you can find according to the current standards? If not, when do we stop playing the standards game?
Love is never about the standards of a person. If you love a person so much, their standards will not matter to you. Playing the standards game is almost like a test to see whether this person is compatible with you. When you seem to "like" someone, you gotta play the standards game, there is no avoiding it. This is someone you'd do when you're dating someone as opposed to committing into a relationship. When you "love" someone, you can overlook such standards. No one is perfect, and one's imperfections should not be damned upon, especially when you love your significant other.
Once again, the key word is balance.
JD
